As of right this moment, there are 9,000 things on my teuxdeux list. They keep adding up, they keep not getting crossed off.
Winter. It’s hard.The days are so short, so looooong. I drop the kiddo off at daycare and think of all the things I’m going to get done, look at me!, so productive! But it’s cold and I didn’t quite get enough sleep and just a little break won’t hurt anything, right? The couch and the fuzzy blanket and the crappy teen supernatural dramas. They take over. Sometimes there’s a warm vanilla latte and a cat snuggled up on my lap. On those days, there’s really no hope for me. Everything is dim and cozy. Keeping things dim and cozy becomes more important than designing or coding or having a clean house or blogging or photographing or anything.
Mama! Mama! Mamamama! he shouts when I pick him up. He throws his arms around me and starts talking away, so fast he can’t keep up with himself, tripping over his words. Train! Play! Boys! Share! Paint! Crying! Run! Jump! Daycare!
He doesn’t care about cozy or dim. He cares about runningjumpingscreamingsplashingthrowinglaughingplaying.
I spend the afternoons split between finally working and trying to keep him entertained without the tv. One hand playing trains, the other hand typing away. Reading a story while folding laundry. Running around in circles in between emails. It’s all a balancing act.
I’m so bad at balance.
He opens the door and laughs. It’s cold! Cold, mama! Cold, dada! He runs to the closet. Hat on! Sweater on! he demands. He wears the raccoon hat everywhere. He loves the rain on his face. He loves splashing in puddles. He thinks wind is hilarious. He cuddles under blankets and asks me to read certain stories so he can point at the pages with rain or snow. So excited, always, about everything. So happy.
Maybe it’s okay if winter wins.