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Panic at the Altar

4 comments ♥ 1598 days ago

One month.

One month until The Wedding.

I’m as excited to marry Cris as I am terrified to be a bride. The white dress, the millions of eyes watching your every move, the pressure for everything to be the most perfectest ever. It’s the stuff of nightmares for my awkward introverted self. There is a nonzero chance that halfway down the aisle, I will freak out and try to hide behind some bushes, hyperventilating. And there is a near 100% chance that, at some point in the evening, I will: 1. fall flat on my face, 2. spill salsa down the front of my dress, and 3. flash someone while trying to figure out how to deal with a strapless dress.

Our wedding guests are in for a show, is what I’m saying.

I wanted a short and sweet city hall ceremony, but it was important to Cris to have all of our favorite people with us. I totally get it, and I think it’s sweet, and I’m certain I’ll be so happy we did it once everything is said and done. But right now I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and pukey about the whole thing. Not in a bad way necessarily. Just in a…pukey way.

Talking about how nervous your wedding makes you isn’t a cool thing to do, I’ve learned. People misunderstand, assume you’re nervous about being married, think you’re being a twee, ridiculous little thing. It’s okay. Sublimating these tiny moments of blind panic is really the best thing to do. I’m trying to focus my attention on the rest of the wedding details that still need to be planned. Small, concrete tasks that don’t involve dwelling on how people will be STARING AT ME. WITH THEIR JUDGEY EYES. JUDGING ME. Centerpieces and cakes and sequins are a safer place for my mind to be.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.



Comment ♥ 1605 days ago

The wedding (!) is five weeks away (!!!). It is straight-up ridiculous how this wedding has consumed my entire brain, even though I just want to through my hands up in the hair and shout I don’t know! I don’t care! at every decision in my way. I am overwhelmed with, I don’t even know. The colors of the table linens and what shoes do I wear and where can we find ties for the groomsmen and why are freaking table linens so expensive anyway and and and!!!

It’s November, which means it’s NaBloPoMo, i.e. that month where I dedicate myself to daily posting and then forget sometime in the second week. It’s my annual tradition.

I wasn’t even going to pretend this year because AHHH WEDDING. (Also: AHHH I'M SICK, AHHH EZRA'S SICK, AHHH I CAN'T SEND HIM TO PRESCHOOL, AHHH MY PARENTS ARE ON VACATION AND CAN'T HELP BABYSIT, AHHH WORK IS SUPER CRAZY BUSY, &c.) But maybe giving myself a dedicated block of time every day to focus on something other than the fact that I am a sadsack wedding-obsessed whinypants would actually be good for me. So here I am. And hopefully here I will be all month.


the terrible horrible no good very bad week

Comment ♥ 1728 days ago

Last week was bad. The really exciting thing was that it was bad on so many levels, from boring (Ants! Everywhere!) to major (dad wants to divorce stepmom now). Ezra caught Hand Foot and Mouth Disease, my cat had to have an unexpected (and expensive) operation on his leg, work was almost overwhelmingly busy, and my body reacted to the stress with its trademarked super helpful hardcore insomnia and constant headaches. Awfulness, all over.

haz a sad

This week is looking up a bit. I’m still finding random ants throughout the house and there’s still stupid family drama, but the kiddo and the cat are on the mend and I went to bed at 10pm last night, so there’s hope. Fingers crossed for a chance to catch my breath and get back on track.


drama for yo mama

Comment ♥ 1832 days ago

Last week was particularly crazy. There was a lot of drama, and it was the worst kind of drama, that kind that it would not be legally prudent to discuss publicly online. But it was also the best kind of drama because it torn down my resolve to eat healthy and I ended up with a jar of this at the grocery store:

For the past few months, every time I’ve gone to Trader Joe’s, I’ve spent at least ten minutes staring longingly at this cookie butter before sadly shaking my head and walking away. So I gave in. Consuming eleventy billion calories in cookie butter is probably not that best way to deal with stress, but it might be the most delicious way.

On Saturday, Ezra went to the second birthday party of my friend’s daughter. It was at a kid’s gym, which was awesome because if there’s one that I love after a horribly stressful week, it’s being stuck in a small space with a bunch of insane screaming kids.

Ezra wasn’t too concerned about my stress level though and he had a predictably awesome time. Running! Jumping! Trampolines and foam pits! Cake and chips and all-you-can-eat artificial colors and flavors! Best ever, for sure.

But hey, I think things are getting back to normal now. Whatever that means.